Raising a Family as an Expat in Berlin & How the City Has Changed

Rachel:
[1:34] I'm ready.

Manuel:
[1:35] Okay. Which one should we start with? Maybe the freelance visa. Since ...

Freelance Visa

[1:38] ... since I just touched on this. So I talked in the last episode about how one of the options of coming here and working here, if you are a native English speaker, is to get a freelance visa as an English teacher and just start teaching. And I mentioned that, basically, what you need is three offers from English schools or language schools that basically say: Hey, yes, we would like to work with you.

Rachel:
[2:08] That's correct. So the artist visa, otherwise known as the freelance visa, isn't just for "artists" in the traditional sense. It also applies for language teachers, for journalists. So I've had this visa in the past. And for people who are writing or, basically, lots of creative and teaching fields. So you can't just have one letter of recommendation because then the Ausländerbehörde will want you to be employed by that organization. But if you have three, or better yet, four, even five letters vouching for you and saying: Hey, I'd be interested in working for this person, they have a skill that is valuable to our organization, then you stand a really good chance in the eyes of the Ausländerbehörde. Sorry, I'm not so good at pronouncing this word.

Jae:
[2:59] I have a question in regards to that, because before I started working for Easy Languages, that was actually what I was going to do. But I was always very nervous of, like, how do you go about approaching these companies, or whatnot? Do you send them an email saying: Hey, I would like to work with you, but if you don't want to work with me, can you at least send me like an email saying you're interested? Like, how does one go about, like, building that connection and receiving that?

Rachel:
[3:27] That's a good question. So in the past, I'd always known a person at one of these organizations, but I think it's always better to use a little bit of 'vitamin B', as the Germans would say, and say, "So-and-so gave me your email. I just moved to Berlin and I'm a trained English teacher. Here's my CV. I'm looking to receive a freelance visa and I'm collecting these letters of intent. Even if we don't work directly together, I wanted to see if you would be able to write this statement." And I think sometimes it helps to actually have a statement more or less worded out, because then it shows the person that they don't need to put in that much effort. So like ... what do you call it? ... a kind of formulaic statement, where they could just put in a few extra words and sign it off for you, is always helpful.

Manuel:
[4:25] And is that how you started working as a journalist in Berlin?

Rachel:
[4:29] That's a good question. So I had a bit of a leg up in that I came here on a journalism fellowship, and I had already made a few connections with different media outlets. And so, when I did go and apply for that freelance visa - because at first I was here on a student visa through the fellowship - I basically said, "Hey, I had freelanced for you in the past and I'd be interested in continuing to freelance for you. Would you guys be willing to write this letter? " And at least back then, they were pretty friendly and helpful.

Manuel:
[5:02] Hmm. So you've been here for ten years.

Raising a Family as an Expat in Berlin

[5:05] You originally came on a student visa, then you did a journalism fellowship, and then you mentioned, as another topic, having kids/a family in Berlin as an expat. So. something must have happened in the meantime.

Rachel:
[5:20] That's correct. That's correct. So when I came here as a kind of student/trainee in my mid-twenties, that wasn't on my mind at all. But then as I stayed here for longer, I met a German and one thing led to the next. And here I am with, now, a sixteen month old daughter.

Manuel:
[5:38] Congratulations!

Jae:
[5:40] My question is, though - I've always wondered this - like, when you're like a native English speaker and you're dating someone, in this case a native German, do you teach your child both languages, or are you focusing on just one language right now? Like, what is your daughter speaking?

Rachel:
[5:56] Yeah, that's a really good question. So we decided to both speak to her in our native languages, because when they're so young they're really like sponges, or they just absorb naturally the vocabulary around them. And so my husband speaks to her in German or, as he jokes, sometimes in English, and I speak to her in English. And yeah, sometimes she speaks a bit of English herself. Right now her favorite word is, 'Yas', a nice little made up hybrid. And funnily enough, she's going, or she just started going, to a German and Spanish Kita so even has a couple Spanish words. So hopefully it's not too confusing, but I'm sort of of the theory that when you start young ...

Jae:
[6:35] Interesting. Okay. Wow!

[6:42] I wish like, yeah, like that was ... Yeah.

Manuel:
[6:44] She'll be fine. What's the rule when you're, like, all out together, or all at the dinner table inside the house together?

Rachel:
[6:45] Yeah.

Manuel:
[6:50] Like, do you have rules for those types of situations?

Rachel:
[6:53] That's a good question. So, I actually have spoken to my husband in German since the beginning, so we mostly just speak German to each other. And then when I'm talking just to her, I speak in English, though sometimes my brain confuses it and I throw in some German words as well.

Jae:
[7:11] Yeah. Interesting. I ... yeah, I'm always in admiration about that.

Manuel:
[7:11] Uh, that's awesome.

Jae:
[7:16] Your godson is, like ... the way that he bounces back from English and German just amazes me.

Manuel:
[7:21] Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's amazing. He's also being raised bilingually.

Rachel:
[7:26] Oh, that's really cool.

Manuel:
[7:27] Yeah. What else is there to know? I mean, having a kid, having kids, raising a family is a big project, no matter what. But what would you say is particularly different or interesting or difficult, maybe as an expat?

Rachel:
[7:47] Yeah, that's a good question. Well, I would say in a sense, it's almost easier raising kids here than in the States, because there are so many more support structures that we don't have. Looking at the purely logistical things, there's the Kindergeld, which is basically money you receive every month from the government just for having a child. Yeah. And so that will be up to €250, starting in 2023. And then, I think, just from giving birth, there's a really good system of hospitals. You don't pay anything, like you do in the US. It's pretty common for women to take a year of maternity leave. And I mean, for me, as an American, that's extraordinary. Because it is like ... you know ... nn the States it's kind of ... if you're lucky, you get three months off, and I've seen people on GoFundMe trying to get maternity funds, as they say, just to be able to take a few months off of work with their kids before they go back, and ... Yeah, for sure. And here it's just the norm, so that meant my life is so much easier not having to worry about it, and getting paid leave for a while.

Manuel:
[8:55] ... It's dystopian.

Rachel:
[9:07] And yeah, I think in general, Berlin is a really good city for kids because a third of it is open space.

Manuel:
[9:14] Really? A third of Berlin is open space?

Rachel:
[9:14] That's ... that's what I'd read, because there's so many different parks and green areas everywhere, and I've been progressively discovering them over the past year on my parental leave.

Jae:
[9:29] I have a question in regards to family and being an expat ... is like: How is your relationship or your child's relationship with your family back home in California and the States ... like, how are you guys going to keep that bridge going?

Rachel:
[9:45] Yeah, that's a really good question. And it's funny, because in all my years here as an expat, I never really felt homesickness until I had a child. And then I felt more of a drive to introduce my daughter to a lot of the traditions and customs back home. Then I think I ended up traveling back to California and staying there longer than I had in my ten years here, because I felt like the grandparents needed to have some time with her. And I've started celebrating things in Berlin that I didn't care about keeping alive, really, before.

Jae:
[10:23] Did you do Thanksgiving? Yeah. For the first time! Wow! I did, too. Yeah.

Rachel:
[10:24] Yes, Thanksgiving for the first time. I just hosted a Thanksgiving. Oh, nice. Nice.

Jae:
[10:32] It was actually in the kitchen today. Yeah.

Rachel:
[10:34] Oh, cool. Were you able to find the cranberry sauce? And all the works?

Jae:
[10:37] Well, yeah, I did. It was a nontraditional type of ... like I got everyone to bring, like, a dish. And I was like ... cause I kind of wanted to see what everyone else would, like, bring to that type of thing.

Rachel:
[10:38] Yeah.

Manuel:
[10:47] How many pies were there?

Jae:
[10:50] There was one attempt at a pie, actually, one attempt! Someone attempted a pie, and it was more like a cookie whenever it came out.

Jae:
[11:00] But yeah, like there is a part of me that I kind of see ... that thing of like kind of forgetting or ignoring a lot of the holiday, or a lot of the traditions. But sometimes you do get that feeling of like homesickness or whatnot, and you kind of want to spark that. And I can imagine ...

Manuel:
[11:14] Yeah. And I can see how once you have offspring, you really kind of want to show them that side of you, right? I mean, that's where you're from. And now your daughter is growing up in Germany and as someone who identifies as German, I imagine, and you don't want her to miss that part of her identity. Right?

Rachel:
[11:36] Exactly. I mean, I'll always be strongly American because that's where I grew up and still spent the bulk of my life. But she was born here and sees German culture all of the time. So I kind of feel it's my responsibility to keep this part of American culture, or at least the highlights of it, going.

Jae:
[11:55] So. Mm hmm. And do you feel that you ... Because you said that Germany provides a a good support system, ...

Finding Friends (With Kids)

[12:03] ... have you been able to find a good support system with friends, and people that you might consider family here in Berlin as well?

Rachel:
[12:12] Yeah, that's also a good question. I feel like in the past year I've probably made more friends than I have since my first year in Berlin, because I was consciously searching for people who were in the same boat as me. I do have a good number of friends in Berlin, but not so many of them have kids themselves. And so I joined these Facebook groups, like International Families Berlin, and this group called, Super Mamas, where, when you have a kid, these experienced moms will actually bring you a meal and have a chat with you. So I made some good friends through that and then tried to reciprocate when my daughter was a little bit older. So yeah, through that network, I have met a lot of really cool and kind people, and then also just friends that I've had here for a while have also been supportive. So I feel like I've been in good hands without having my side of the family. And then luckily my husband is a rare Berliner, so he still has family just in the outskirts of the city who have been willing to step in and help out a little bit.

Jae:
[13:25] Nice. Nice.

Working Culture and Work-Life Balance

Manuel:
[13:27] Then you mentioned the work-life balance in Berlin from an American perspective, or rights as an employee here, so you are ... You already mentioned you're now ... you transitioned from being a freelancer to being a full time employee at a company, The Local. And. How is that different from being employed in the US?

Rachel:
[13:54] Yeah, that's ... it's quite different, I would say, because there's more job security once you finish the six months Probezeit, so, like, the trial period. And I find that there's this mentality where it's important to take breaks, in German working culture, so that you can go back and be an even stronger employee. So, for example, it would be shunned upon if you're sick and you go into the office, because then you could infect your colleagues. And I find that in Germany, people are encouraged to work from home when they're sick, or just completely take time off.

Manuel:
[14:34] No. You're not encouraged to work at home when you're sick. You are supposed to not work when you're sick. That's the idea.

Rachel:
[14:39] Okay, Maybe ... maybe that's just my company. That's true. Maybe that's just my company. So I guess it's ... you are encouraged to take days off. And that explains why Germans, I think, on average take like 18 or 19 days off of sick leave per year, whereas in the States it's only two days.

Manuel:
[15:00] Yeah. Because in the in the States they ... after a while they, like, withdraw it from your vacation days, right? Which is insane from a German perspective, Even if you're on vacation and you get sick, you reclaim those vacation days. You go to the doctor and you say: Look, I was actually sick for one week out of my two week vacation, so here's my sick note. And then you get that week of vacation days back.

Jae:
[15:22] I'm amazed. Every day, I'm so amazed at the ...

Manuel:
[15:26] No, but you're not able to properly vacation if you're sick. It makes sense.

Jae:
[15:30] Yeah, it does. It's just I'm just not used to this lifestyle.

Rachel:
[15:33] Yeah, I know, as an American, I'm blown away. Like, if we get sick on our vacation, it's just bad luck and your vacation is ruined.

Jae:
[15:39] Yeah. It's about, like: Oh, well, that's ... Yeah, that's just ... And you have to go back to work the next day.

Rachel:
[15:44] The next day. Exactly.

Manuel:
[15:45] I feel like it's so common to get sick on your vacation, because you finally kind of loosen all the tension and stuff, and your body's like: Oh, okay, I'm allowed to, like, release all the toxins now. I don't know ...

Jae:
[15:55] Yes. Toxins and stuff like that. Yeah.

Rachel:
[15:58] Yeah, I know. The only time I really tend to get sick is on my vacation. So, yeah, I should be getting more doctor's notes.

Jae:
[16:02] Mm hmm.

Manuel:
[16:06] For sure. All right.

Jae:
[16:06] Yes. But going back to that work-life balance thing.

Manuel:
[16:12] Which is such a terrible term, by the way, isn't it? Like ...

Jae:
[16:15] It kind of is. We shouldn't have a word ... like you should never turn off your life, you know?

Manuel:
[16:18] Like. Right. Like, first of all, work is part of life. And I don't know, like, no matter the perspective you look at this term, I feel like it's a little wrong. Like splitting life into work and life. I don't know. Work, fun, balance, I would get. Maybe if you have a work ... type of work that's not ...

Jae:
[16:38] Maybe to sum it up, your daily lifestyle. Yes. So as an expat, of course, you know, your daily lifestyle is shaken up a bit. But, like, was it very difficult for you to adjust to, like, a new lifestyle coming here to Berlin? Was it easier for you? Was it hard in some regards?

Rachel:
[17:00] Yeah, I guess I'm still adjusting in some ways. I still have this mentality of working as much as I can, even when I should take a break. So, as an example, a couple of years ago I had this really minor foot surgery, and outside of the day of the surgery I was planning on basically going back to work because I thought: Okay, it's my foot. It's ... I'm still able to type. Exactly. And the doctor wrote me six weeks of sick leave and I basically said, "Six weeks but I'm still able to work." And he said, "No, no, you should be recuperating with your feet up and taking the time to rest and drink tea." And to me, as an American, this is just mind-blowing, because I remember, back in San Francisco in 2011, I had a colleague who got in a bike accident and he had used up his five days of sick leave. And he basically went through his two weeks of vacation time - the meager two weeks of vacation - and then took unpaid leave after that, while he recuperated. And here in Germany, you could get six weeks at a time fully paid. And then after that, you could still get partially paid leave if you have a doctor's note and you've got something called Krankengeld from your health insurance.

Jae:
[18:23] Mm hmm. Yeah.

Manuel:
[18:25] And regarding the work environment, I feel like through your work, you also have a good insight into all of Germany. Do you think there are differences between Germany ... I mean, Berlin and the rest of Germany in terms of the availability of jobs and also maybe pay and opportunities? Like those things we were just talking about are ... are just, lost, right. Like it's the same everywhere. But I feel like Berlin ... This podcast is called 'Everyone Is Moving To Berlin' like, there's a lot of people coming here, there are a lot of startups and companies and stuff, but do you feel like it's more difficult to get a job here, compared to the rest of Germany? Do you know anything about all of this?

Rachel:
[19:08] Yeah. So I feel like in Berlin you do have more English speaking jobs, more jobs within the startup world. I know a lot of people here who have been, by Wahlberliners, Berliners by choice, for like ten years and they still can't really speak much German, whereas I think in other cities you wouldn't be able to get away with that so easily. And that a lot of companies have jobs, but they require you to have at least a certain level of German. And probably jobs for, sort of, these small and medium sized companies, the Mittelstand, they require you, as well, to have a certain level of German. So I think Berlin is unique, just in the amount of English you can get away with speaking. I don't know, what's your take on that, having lived in quite a few cities, Manuel?

Manuel:
[20:03] Yeah. I think everything you said is true. Germany is changing, I think compared to other countries. The traditional German companies are often still very kind of uptight, and expect German from their employees, even when it's technically not necessary for the job, just kind of as part of their culture, like: We're a German company, so everybody speaks German. But I think that's changing, and companies are realizing that they have to change because so many people are missing. And I'm not sure if you've reported on this, but the government just announced these relatively big changes to our immigration laws to make it easier for people, especially qualified people, to come to Germany and find a job here and stay here, because we really, really, really need them to come. We need people to come and and work here. And so I think it's changing quickly. I mean, there are jobs where you need to speak German to do the job, but actually many, many jobs nowadays, you don't because they're international anyway. And so I think this is changing. No.

Rachel:
[21:13] Yeah, that's really true. That's one of the big things that we've been reporting on. And in some sectors, like, for example, to be an English teacher at a bilingual school or a daycare here, before you had to have a C1 level of German, and now they're looking into lowering the requirement, because it's a bar that a lot of people coming to Berlin weren't able to meet. And they said: Hey, we're really in need of native English speakers to be teaching the language. It's not like these people will be speaking German if they're not in administrative roles, so why not lower the bar a little bit? And the same goes for other professions, where you're only supposed to have B1 or B2, whereas before C1 would have been required.

Manuel:
[22:02] Yeah. That's good.

Life as a Journalist

Jae:
[22:04] I'm curious to know more about your life as a journalist in Berlin. How has that been, like, specifically? Like being able to find stories and find interesting things to report on? Because I mean, Berlin is anything but boring, so I know there's a lot of exciting stories and exciting ...

Jae:
[22:23] ... how many exciting things that happen here.

Rachel:
[22:27] Yeah, that's true. I think I've never had a shortage of stories from a cultural perspective. There's always been so much going on in the arts world, new restaurants, galleries, things to do. From a political perspective, there's always interesting protests going on, from things against the Corona measures, to people driving down the streets and tractors to protest agricultural policies. Yeah, I think there's always a lot of really interesting stories to go around, and Berlin is really like several small towns put together. So the city itself has only been Berlin in its current formation for the past 100 years, and before that every district was really its own city, which is why you have like the Rathaus or the town hall in each of these districts. And I find every place has its own kind of feel and vibe. And so wherever I live, I kind of get new inspiration for new stories.

Jae:
[23:36] What's been your most interest ... or one of your most interesting stories that you've done?

Rachel:
[23:43] And I don't know why this is coming to my mind right now, but there was this band I reported on who were half Iranian, half Israeli, and they were doing songs basically from both of their countries, and they wouldn't have been able to exist in Israel or Iran. But in Berlin they grew to be pretty popular and got a large following. And so, to me that was kind of a iconic Berlin story just showing how it is here, a melting pot. I mean, of course you have darker aspects like anti-Semitism and more right wing stuff, which I've also unfortunately had to report on. But I thought that that was just a cool cultural story to come about.

Manuel:
[24:29] Yeah. We will link to this story, if you can send us the link so people can read it.

Rachel:
[24:34] Absolutely.

Manuel:
[24:36] That's awesome. What you said about Berlin is so true. It's really ... it doesn't really feel like one big city.

Berlin's Kieze

[24:43] It feels like a bunch of small and medium cities all squished together, and they all have their own town hall and different vibes. And sometimes it makes it a little bit more difficult, because it feels like ... for example, I never go to Neukölln or Friedrichshain, just because it's so far ... like it feels so far.

Rachel:
[25:02] Yeah, for sure.

Jae:
[25:03] Wedding is very far from me.

Manuel:
[25:06] And so, I don't know, I was just in Krakow, which is obviously much, much smaller than Berlin, but it's just so nice that there's like one center, like literally, there's the town hall and the square, and everybody meets there, and you can just go there and you're sure to meet someone that you know if you live in the city. And that's very nice, but on the other hand, it is really nice in Berlin that you basically have that, times all the Kieze, like you can, you know, you can go to a different place and it just feels like a different city.

Jae:
[25:38] I was told this when I first moved here that, like, people don't really leave their where ... their little area, yeah, their Kiez. And the more I live in Neukölln, the more I love it. The more I agree, I will, like ... Like: Oh, you're all the way up there! Nah, I'll skip that a bit. I don't want to go all that way.

Manuel:
[25:59] But the nice thing is also that you can live in a Kiez for a few years and then move. Because I used to live in Neukölln, I lived there for a few years, so I feel like I got to know the place, right?

Jae:
[26:09] For sure. For sure, Yeah.

Manuel:
[26:09] Like, yeah. How often have you moved since you've been here?

Rachel:
[26:13] Oh, man. So I actually started out in Wedding, and it's funny that you mention that, because when I came in 2012, it was the spot where people weren't too keen to be, and they asked me if I only got a flat there because I couldn't find anything else. Or if they had anything positive at all to say, it would be, "Oh, that's the place with the 24/7 fruit stand!" But that was about it. And so, I was traveling to Neukölln ... to just see friends. And then by the time I left in 2015, it seemed like everybody was coming to Wedding and it was starting to be the place to be. And so ...

Manuel:
[26:52] It still feels like that. There's a saying that people say, "Der Wedding kommt," like that ... It's like it's happening, like Wedding is getting hip. But they've been saying it for years and years, like it's it feels like it's always on the edge of becoming hip, you know?

Rachel:
[27:09] One of these days. Yeah, but I think I basically did the ring of gentrification, as I like to tell people, because after that I was in Lichtenberg, which is just outside of the ring, and it was also, one of these places that is slowly becoming cool. It's a little bit more affordable than Friedrichshain. And then after that I was in Friedrichshain, and then I moved to Mitte, where I am right now. So I've been in a few places.

Manuel:
[27:40] This was a great transition to the last topic on your list, which is how Berlin has changed, after ten years of being an expat here. You mentioned Wedding has changed. All the districts have changed, I'm sure. But what else have you been noticing? How has Berlin changed?

Cash vs. Cards

Rachel:
[27:58] So one big difference is just the possibilities to pay with card and sometimes only with card.

Manuel:
[28:04] Sometimes.

Rachel:
[28:06] So when I got here, it was almost like card payments were this legendary thing that I'd only see if I was outside of Berlin. But now ...

Manuel:
[28:16] Cash only, it used to be, right?

Rachel:
[28:18] Exactly. Exactly. And now, sometimes mehrfache Zahlung. And so that has been a huge culture shock, even though it's been changing for a while now. And ... But I guess in Corona times, a lot of places got rid of cash as well.

Manuel:
[28:33] Right. But now it's the worst of both worlds because you still have places that only accept cash. So you do still need to carry cash. Because every once in a while, you will be at a place where it's just like: Oh, cash only! But then there's also now places that, as you mentioned, have card only, which I personally like because I always have my phone and you can just pay with your phone. But it's like you can't depend on either. Like you always have to have both.

Jae:
[29:00] Yeah, I used to just, like, take out, like, a little bit of, like, money from the ATM. But then if you do that, you have to ... you use up your ATM withdrawals. So now you have to take out ...

Manuel:
[29:12] Don't you have the platinum card where you ... ?

Jae:
[29:13] Yes! And those eight go by, very fast. Yes. So it was like I had to take out more. I don't have any cash on me right now, wink, wink. If people see me on the street - I'm broke.

Jae:
[29:28] But I have to take out more now, just so I'm ... like, make sure that I have something always on me, 'cause you never know. Anywhere you go is like, just so luck of the draw. If you get a place, that's card ...

Rachel:
[29:40] Yeah, it's really true. Like the last time I was at the Ausländerbehörde, I ended up taking out an obscene amount of cash because I had to pay in cash - and only cash - for my last visa. And I was just hoping that nobody would mug me on the way there. And then ... Oh, it's like €150, so not too obscene, but you know, more than you're used to.

Manuel:
[29:56] ... How expensive was the visa?

[30:02] But that's funny that you describe that as an obscene amount of money because, yeah, from an American perspective, you would never carry that much cash. But I think most German people who have the this kind of money - maybe not teenagers and and younger people and people who just don't have that much money - but many people have, €100 or more in their wallet. Just always. Just that's, like, normal.

Rachel:
[30:26] That's a ... yeah, that's a good point. And I think I read - and we've even written about this before - that Germans carry more cash than any other nationality in the world, and especially in Berlin. It makes sense because you're right, you never know if a place will accept cash or card. And even now I find myself asking, because it can be kind of hit or miss.

Manuel:
[30:51] Right. And then you're in a group and you're at the beer garden, and then it's like: Oh shit, it's cash only! And then it's always like, Who ... Hho has any cash? And then the person with the 150 bucks in their ... or euros, in their wallet ...

Jae:
[31:04] Have you ever been in a group where you guys go out someplace and you have to, like, leave just to go run to the ATM really quick? You're like ...

Manuel:
[31:10] Yes. Yeah.

Rachel:
[31:10] So many times. Yeah, I think just last night, actually.

Jae:
[31:15] You're like you're like, Thank God I'm with other people. So that, like, it doesn't look like a dine and dash, because: Y'all stay here, I'm just going to go get some cash.

Manuel:
[31:20] You have to get to know it's totally normal. And usually the places that accept cash only, will tell you, like, this is where the nearest ATM is. Like, "Go, go there!"