- Previously on this podcast: Mental Health (Episode 9)
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[0:09] I am extremely grateful for the loving, positive responses that we have received from me, sharing my story and from the conversations that my mother and I have had.
I understand that there are a lot of other people who are going through the same things, and you might not be diagnosed with anything.
You might not necessarily have any sort of mental health disorders. But mental health is important for all of us, and it's something that is really dear to my heart and I'm really excited to kind of discuss it.
So if you didn't see the Mental health episode, I think that was like episode number nine, essentially.
My mental health has been greatly impacted.
My myself being here, I have a few mental health challenges.
Bipolar and ADHD or ADHD here in Germany being one of the biggest ones and then coupled with general anxiety disorder and then just depression,
and moving to this city really tested my mental health.
[1:17] From encountering experiences with racism to my journey, getting my visa to simply just getting situated here with the language, with the different types of culture, things and stuff.
It was a lot. And I think one of the things that I always encounter with every moment of my life is burnout.
And burnout manifests in a lot of different forms, but it's something that I think is very important to talk about, especially when you feel that there are so much to do and so little time.
[1:55] For example, me being not from the EU, I technically was able to come to Germany under what's called the Schengen tourist visa.
My pronunciation might not be the correct, but essentially it is a three month holiday visa that you can have.
Just normally, as an American citizen, you don't need to go to any embassy, you don't need to do anything.
You can go to any country in the EU for three months at a time without any type of extra permissions. If you want to stay longer than that, then you need the visa, you need permissions, you need a whole bunch of stuff.
So when I moved to Berlin, I felt like I had so much to do and so little time. I had three months to get everything that I needed done so I can legally stay here. And that alone is.
[2:52] A stressor for someone like me who is who is very susceptible to stress.
And I mean, anybody would be very, very stressed out of that situation, you know.
So that was really something that contributed to my struggles.
Another thing is just like living here in Berlin or at least getting situated, getting a foundation takes a lot, especially when it comes to like the housing market.
[3:24] You have to really be on your toes to get the work done.
But I struggle with this because I'm the type of person who does a lot.
You know, so it was really hard for me to balance my time and balance everything.
And yes, people are like, oh, time management organization, all the type of stuff.
Yes, I know all the tips and tricks, but that's just not how my mind works. That's just not who I am. So I end up having to suffer when it's.
Two weeks before I have to find a new place. And I have no no idea where I'm going to be living.
That contributed a lot to my anxiety and kind of kicked me into episodes in and out.
[4:12] And that was something that I really struggled with in August was the housing situation.
[4:20] I just get so anxious about things.
And the crazy thing is, whenever I do take a step back and I look at everything, my options might not be ideal, but sometimes you do have options.
You just don't really like those options. You know, some of the options was living somewhere temporarily or living with somebody or crashing at a random hostel or whatnot.
No, I don't want to really do that. But those are options.
But sometimes I have my head set on one thing and I put all my energy into that expectation.
And then whenever it doesn't come, I then end up letting that reflect negatively on me and that is very unhealthy.
Just bluntly, I know it is, but it's very hard. And if you're also trying to move to the city and get your shit together, you're probably experiencing the same exact thing.
How do you, you know, balance?
[5:27] Striving for what you want, but also allowing yourself to compromise and allowing yourself to go through struggles but not letting those struggles make you feel like it's life or death.
And that's something that I am still working on right now, because to be blunt, when my life is good, my life is good.
But when my life is bad, my life is bad, if that makes sense. Like right now I'm good. I have a place to live, I have my visa, I have a routine.
[5:57] But that's because the environment around me is really good.
The moment that something is out of place, it's like all hell breaks loose and I am still learning how to deal with when all hell breaks loose.
Because if not, then my happiness, my peace of mind is very conditional.
So the question is, how can I have a unconditional peace of mind?
In such a changing and spontaneous environment like Berlin.
[6:31] And I am still figuring that out.
I don't necessarily have the answer, but I have been able to use these moments of peace for more reflection.
And I've been thinking, you know, I've been thinking about what my expectations are, what it is that I need, and what it is that I'm looking for.
And I think one of the things that I have to continue to remind myself is that, one, I'm okay and that everything really is okay.
It might not be the most preferred environment or situation, but at the bare minimum I am okay.
And most people who are listening to this podcast are probably in a position that you guys are generally okay.
If not, my love goes out to you. I really hope that you feel okay eventually, but for the general listener, probably you guys are in a position to where you guys are able to listen to this podcast and plan out what you guys want.
So there is some level of it's okay, I'm not like living on the streets or whatnot.
[7:44] But it's really hard to accept that and to show yourself compassion, you know, because your mind is always thinking of, Oh, I got to achieve this, I got to be perfect at this.
And this other idea of perfectionism also is what really fucked me up.
And that's something I'm learning too, is allowing,
life and allowing things to not necessarily be what I expect them to be, but know that this is what I need at this moment and that this is okay.
And maybe, maybe it's not exactly what I expected it to be, but it is generally what I wanted, and I'm still be able to get the benefits of what I want.
[8:28] I think I also believe in this illusion that if I just do this, or if I just do that, then everything's going to be okay.
And that once again, is very unhealthy because I am expecting the.
[8:44] Validation of the external world to make me feel okay. And the external world is changing every single day.
There is always going to be a new challenge, always going to be a new obstacle that you can't prepare for, that you have no idea what's going to happen.
And I am learning that I somewhat need to be okay with that.
I somewhat need to embrace the spontaneity of it, which is kind of ironic because I'm such like an explorer. Like I love adventure.
I love, you know, waking up one day and not knowing what my life is going to be like by the end of that day. But then again, I'm here stressing over housing or where I'm going to be staying or whatnot.
Granted, you know, survival needs or understandable, but I always find that kind of funny.
[9:33] And that's something that, yeah, I'm still learning. And I think being here in Berlin has challenged me to focus a little bit more on Berlin is an interesting city, all.
[9:50] It's interesting for a lot of different reasons, and maybe every city has this, but I found it really big here,
especially since, like I said, the survival, like the bare minimum, is very hard to stabilize, especially when it comes to the housing department of Things, housing and visas.
Those are like the biggest, biggest, biggest like challenges that seem never ending sometimes.
[10:23] And it's something that I still try to breathe on.
And sometimes I find myself still getting a little anxious about, oh my gosh, this place that I'm living at, is it the best place?
Should I be looking for something else? What should I be doing? Should I? Should I not?
This all could or should have would have. Type of mentality is also very unhealthy and you can't.
It's not sustainable. And I think that's the biggest thing that I am also trying to I'm also realizing is that the way that I am going about things right now is not sustainable and it is not healthy in the long term.
[11:03] It's dangerous. I would say it's dangerous to keep this mindset and it's dangerous to also.
[11:12] Allow it to be a reflection of you, to allow the fact that you might not have everything that you want to,
going back to being a reflection of you, reflecting that you didn't do well, that you haven't satisfied all your needs, that there was something wrong that you did.
And when when in reality, it's not you, it's just it is what it is.
It's just a matter of just life. It's just a matter of Berlin. It's just a matter of being in a new place and a new country and really having to figure things out as you go.
You know, that's not something that you need to blame yourself for, and that is something that I am struggling with still to this day.
I blame myself for everything. If anything is not going well, I'm like, What did I do wrong?
And that is unhealthy, that is dangerous. That is not fair to me because when I take a step back, I look at.
[12:18] The fact that I got here somewhat by myself.
Of course I have a job, of course I have this type of things. But independently alone, I look for the job I applied, I planned the flights, I looked for the needs where I needed for housing.
You know, the responsibilities were all on me. And I have achieved a lot.
I have achieved a lot. And yet here I am still thinking nothing is enough.
And the news flashes, nothing will ever be enough.
You will never be satisfied unless you can learn to be grateful and appreciate where you are in your life right now. And that is so hard to do. I'm not saying it's like it's so easy. I'm saying this as I'm struggling with this as well.
You know, you can know what to do, but still struggle with actually implementing and reminding yourself day to day.
But I believe it's so important to have compassion for yourself and to go easy on yourself and to know that you're going to go through shit.
Accept that. Accept that things are not going to be pleasant all the time. That is just the underlying fact of it all that you are not going to be happy 100% at a time. But.
There's a big button there.
[13:31] You will slowly, slowly, slowly develop this sort of appreciation for yourself.
And even though you'll have moments of unhappiness, you'll have a lot of moments of gratifying experiences, experiences that validate that you have been working hard.
But it is your responsibility to step back and to see that and to see that you have came, you you have come a long way and that you are still doing everything that you want it to do, you know?
And I'm always a person who's iffy about like how specific you should be on your goals, you know,
because like I mentioned before, goals, life changes, you know, and things may not come exactly how you wanted them to be, but most times generally it's enough.
It is what you need. It could be the bare minimum, it could be the skeleton of it, but it is still what you need. And I think we should somewhat sometimes take a step back and appreciate that.
[14:32] So now I kind of want to talk about the.
Winter and the seasonal, the pressure that comes into things and this topic is talked a little bit more about in our winter is Coming episode. But I wanted to just express my personal opinions and how I feel about it.
To be fair, I'm not necessarily scared of it. I think I.
[14:58] Need to be aware of how my mental health can be affected by a lot of small things.
And I think it's important for me to just keep that in mind as I am going into these new seasons.
Generally, for me, I've lived in Texas, so I'm used to the sun, but I also lived in the UK, Manchester in like the winter of 2020, so 2020 going into 2021 and there wasn't that much sun there.
And for the most part I did pretty well.
I was still stressed out a little bit, but nothing like nothing. Too bad.
You start to appreciate the sun more whenever those moments come, but I think there's a lot that you can do internally that will help deal with whatever might come in the winter, I think.
The first thing is accepting that you might not feel great all the time. And once again, not blaming yourself for that, not assuming that you've done something wrong, that it's a fault of you, but it's simply just.
[16:08] A cause of the weather is just in effect. You know, it's just it is what it is. So I think that is like one of the first things. It's just to accept that you might not feel good all the time, but that is to no fault of your own.
The second thing is to what I would consider creating, like what I call an emergency kit.
And this is not like an actual physical kit. It could be where you have band aids or whatnot, but it's more of like a mental emergency kit of like,
if you know that in these times you are more susceptible to filling certain ways, what can you prepare for?
And now that will help in that moment. For example, for me, I have a music playlist of songs that really calm me down whenever I get stressed out.
Another thing is I have a lot of hobbies that I'm now going to be focusing on during this time that are going to anchor me.
I have a group of friends that I can rely on. I have journaling, I have methods, I have techniques that I'm going to now be relying on during this time. And I believe that this will be very beneficial to me in the long run.
This will be very helpful for me whenever I am struggling and whenever I am in a space where I just don't know what to do.
[17:22] And I think if you can focus on those two things, then the experience that you might have going into winter might be a little bit more bearable.
Also, given the fact that things are a lot more open now, could help as well.
You know, I always encourage people to go out and do things, go out and experience life, go out and experience things.
And if your experiences aren't necessarily what you imagine them to be, it's okay. It's okay to let things happen the way they happen. You know, give yourself permission to experience life.
I always find these topics that I talk about so ironic because it's so easy for me to say this for people, but it's so hard for me, you know, to go back and actually take in the advice and actually apply it to my my day to day life.
But, you know, it's trial and error. And I give myself credit. I'm young, you know, I'm still learning to how to deal with life and to how to deal with different experiences and stuff. And I think I don't give myself enough credit.
[18:25] I don't. And you don't either. So actually, I kind of want to use this next section to talk directly to you.
I wanted to give you a little bit of encouragement and a little bit of validation.
I've been talking about myself a lot, but I think now it's time for me to talk to you.
So, listener, if you were friend, how are you?
[18:52] How are you? Are you good? Are you upset? Are you angry? Are you sad? Are you nervous? Excited?
Unsure. You don't know how you are. You're okay. Whatever you are. It's okay.
It's okay. I am giving you a virtual pat on the back, and I am letting you know that it is okay and that you are doing your best.
You might be already in Berlin. You might be planning to move Berlin.
It might just be a thought. Whatever situation you are in, I am proud of you for being where you are and for getting through whatever you've gotten through.
There's no need for us to compare our challenges and our struggles and our obstacles and where we've been and where we're going.
But I think it's important for all of us to appreciate the fact that we have all gone through shit. No matter what that shit is. We've all gone to shit and we are all still here.
And I just want you to congratulate yourself and just take a moment.
[19:52] To just realize how,
dope you are for getting through whatever you're going through and for continuing to keep going and for striving to improve and for striving to be better each and every day.
That is fucking amazing. That is fucking phenomenal.
You have to realize that not a lot of people do that. But you you're doing that and you're getting through it and there's no need to rate yourself.
There's no need to compare or to say, Well, I'm not doing it enough. There's no need. This is a we're taking out the likes, we're taking out the comments, we're taking out the ratings, we're taking out all of that type of stuff.
We're taking out the numbers. We're taking out the metrics. You are just doing it.
There is no good or bad, but you are doing it. And that alone is super, super, super amazing.
[20:48] You have struggled to get to Berlin. You have struggled to live here in Berlin.
You have struggled to even plan your move or your trip to Berlin.
But you have done it and you are doing it. And that is a lot. And that is amazing.
You have decided to enter into a new world, a place where you never really figured out how to be.
You don't really know who you are going into this place or this journey or whatnot, but you are doing it and you're here. And that's so fucking cool because you have so much potential now.
The world is literally your oyster. This city is your oyster.
You can do whatever you want. You are a fucking superhero with superpowers. And now it's all up to you of how you use those powers and that right there.
So cool. That's so fucking awesome.
That's amazing. That's so amazing. And I just want you just to feel how great that is. Feel the strength that you have.
You might not realize it, but you do have the strength.
We're all given the strength. I mean, just simply being human.
We're given the string, you know? What are you feeling or not? It's in you.
And I just want you to know that I see it and I feel it. And I think it's really fucking cool and.
[22:13] I want you to know also that if you go through a challenge and you don't, quote unquote, succeed, this challenge is okay.
I want to encourage you to keep going and keep trying and know that each time you try, you do get better and you do get better and you get better and you learn and your goals might change the more that you try. And that's okay.
Your challenges might get tougher, the more that you try, and that's okay.
It might seem like the world is against you, or that this is a punishment. But it's not.
It's not at all. It's just life. That's it. Don't need to label it as anything. Don't need to villainize. Don't need to create any character archetypes that somehow everyone is against you. No one's against you, no one is against you.
Even the fucking bureaucracy in Germany, it's not against you. It just is what it is.
And I think it's important for you to know that. That you're supported more than you realize that you are. And.
You have your back. I have your back, too. But you. You.
You have your own back, and you're looking out for yourself. And I think it's a point that you tap into that power, tap into the access to what you have.
You can listen to this podcast. You can find all the information you need online. But honestly, I think all the answers are inside of you. And if you haven't really.
[23:38] Taking the time to listen to yourself, I would encourage you to do so.
I would encourage you to take that time and to feel the love that is inside of you for yourself and feel,
that part of you that really just wants you to do good in your life, feel that part and connect with it, and know that even though your situation right now might not be your ideal situation, it's okay.
[24:05] Know that your ideal situation is coming and that you are helping yourself get there.
I want you to enjoy the journey, enjoy the adventure, enjoy what comes, enjoy the trials and errors, enjoy the enjoyment, enjoy the unpleasant experiences.
Because I can guarantee you these are signs and indicators that you are on the right direction.
These are the messages from the universe saying that you're doing well, that that you are battling all your demons, that you are battling all your obstacles, and that you're getting through them.
You would not play a video game if there were no obstacles in the video game.
Why don't we ever take that concept and apply it to our life, you know?
You only advance into a video game by beating the bosses. I always think of Mario and Bowser.
You don't get the star unless you defeat Bowser. You've got to fucking defeat the villain.
You've got to go through it. And you might lose. But you'll still revive yourself and you'll try again and you'll eventually achieve your goal.
You know, don't stress yourself out with this total time limit type of thing, you know? Yeah, of course, sometimes there is a time limit of things, but.
[25:29] My emphasis on the stress. You don't have to stress about it all. You can trust yourself. You can trust that you will get through it.
I always think about that.
[25:40] Going back to like all the things that I have accomplished or I have now achieved, a lot of it I did with stress, a lot of it I did with this feeling of anxiety, feeling of not feeling good.
And now that I have gotten through it, I think back and I wonder, could I have achieved all of those things without stress?
And the answer is yes. The answer is yes.
I think we assume that the stress is what pushes us to be more productive or to get the job done. But I would challenge that that I would challenge that.
I don't think it does. If anything, I think it slows us down more than if we just relaxed, because stressing doesn't mean that you get more things done.
It really doesn't. It doesn't mean that I go to the gym more often or that I look for housing more often, or that I save my money more.
It just means that it's just running in the back of my mind over and over again.
Shamefully, you know this shame. Guilty thought that I should be doing this. I should be doing that. That's all it does.
But sometimes I wonder if I just let go of that, even if that means I don't know when I'm going to actually get to this, but I'm just going to let go of this stress about it.
[26:59] I really do think that I would have achieved my goals the same if not faster, if not more enjoyably.
If I let go of that stress. So I kind of challenge you guys, you know, make this a little experiment, see if you can.
[27:16] Experience what you need to without feeling that you need to stress, without feeling that is,
obligatory, to feel shame or feel guilt or feel that you need to tell yourself to keep going, that you need to like you punish yourself or overlook yourself.
That's like a parent does or like a teacher does.
See if you can be like a relaxed mentor for yourself. If you can like coach yourself in a very chill way of like, you got this, you'll do it whenever you need to.
It all be fine. Just see and let me know. Please message me on Instagram, Message us on our everyone dot Berlin and let me know how you achieve your goals. Like put a date on it.
Like today I am going to try to stop stressing and check in on yourself maybe once a day.
Maybe you want some week or once a month and just like,
analyze, okay, did I stress about this project or this goal and how was it not stressing and make it an experiment and let me know how it is because I,
have this inkling that you might actually have a much better success story than I did, and I would love to hear about it.