Life as an Au Pair in Berlin

Olivia:
[14:12] Yeah, so a couple of reasons. The first is that if you hire a nanny, you ... well, you've basically got a full-time employee, and having a full-time employee, you're going to have to pay them a lot more, so that's the first thing. A lot of the joke is that an au pair is just cheap childcare! I don't know, but it's supposed to be symbiotic.

Jae:
[14:32] For sure.

Olivia:
[14:33] It's supposed, you know, you're supposed to get something out of it, and the host family is supposed to get something out of it. And that's the key. Also, yeah, if you're a host family and you, for example, have a child who's learning, wants to learn, a foreign language ... So my au pair goal is learning English, and obviously having an au pair who speaks fluently another language can help with learning. Yeah, I tried ... I once ... But this is the thing. If you are a native speaker, the minute you start like having to explain things about language ... I was sitting down and we were doing something with grammar and I was just like: I'm useless! I can't do it!

Jae:
[15:17] I struggle sometimes with English! Someone will ask me a question, I'm like: I don't even know this!

Manuel
[15:26] But, so how is like your time? I imagine that most of your 30 hours are spent with the au pair girl. What do you guys do? Like, do you just ... ?

Olivia:
[15:39] All sorts. We go to the park a lot. We go rollerblading. We have just have a good time. But mostly my day-to-day job is taking to school, picking up from school, and then entertaining in the evening. And this is a tip that I would give anyone who's searching maybe to be an au pair: Do find similar interests between you and the host family's child because it makes such a difference. You know, if you have to be stuck in a room with a kid and play imaginary games, and that's not your thing ... I mean, I don't know how many 19-year-olds want to do that anyway ... But yeah, so my au pair girl's really active, she loves going to places and skipping and running, and that was exactly what I was like as a child. So actually it's kind of a match made in heaven, which is really nice.

Jae:
[16:29] And has this family done an au pair relationship before, or are you the first one they've had?

Olivia:
[16:37] Yes, they have had an au pair before. Her name was ... Oh, I don't know if I I can say it! She was from America, actually.

Jae:
[16:43] Okay.

Olivia:
[16:44] Yeah. And I think it's always interesting because, depending on the au pair that came before you, your host family will have a preconceived idea of what is an au pair and what they expect from the au pair. So sometimes, oh, I don't know, it'd be like, "Oh! Bailey did this!"

Jae:
[17:10] It's like, "My ex used to do so and so!"

Olivia:
[17:13] Exactly. But actually, no, it's not like that. I mean, I think it was a very successful stay. So yeah, it's been good.

Manuel
[17:21] And from your notes, I can tell that you also switched host families at some point.

Olivia:
[17:25] I did.

Manuel
[17:26] Is it called, host family? I'm like, my mind is in this exchange student mode where you're talking about your host family and your exchange student. Is it called host family or ... ? Host family. Okay.

Olivia:
[17:37] Host family. So I initially wasn't an au pair in Berlin. I was an au pair in Leipzig.

Manuel
[17:42] "The New Berlin."

Olivia:
[17:43] "The New Berlin." Yeah. Absolutely!

Manuel
[17:46] Then you came back to the old Berlin.

Olivia:
[17:48] Yeah. So I stayed with them for three months, my previous family in Leipzig, but then after three months we decided to end the au pair relationship. It was on good terms. There was no screaming matches or anything like that.

Manuel
[18:04] Who broke up? You or them?

Olivia:
[18:06] It was mutual. It really was. It was just that ...

How to Make Friends

[18:12] Well, if I'm being totally honest, I found it quite hard to make friends actually. That was one of the biggest problems, because being an au pair, you're often hanging out with parents and their children. And I find it's quite hard to, I guess, find people your own age. You really have to search for it yourself. Whereas here it's so much easier, I find, to make friends. And I've made friends through activism as well, so that's been really good. Yeah.

Jae:
[18:41] Yeah. I actually ... I would like to go into this, I would ... like friends and finding connections and stuff like that. How long have you been in Berlin?

Olivia:
[18:49] Since March. March, start of March.

Jae:
[18:52] And ...

Manuel
[18:53] You just got here!

Olivia:
[18:54] Pretty much, yeah. But I had been here before. And what I did in Leipzig was on the weekends I was taking the train here.

Jae:
[19:01] Gotcha.

Olivia:
[19:02] And then eventually I was like: Yeah, this isn't really working! I spent so much on Deutsche Bahn tickets back and forth to …

Jae:
[19:12] Now €50, you can go anywhere, starting in May! So when you came here and like on your free time, what did you do automatically when there was your free time? Like, where did you find yourself wanting to go and stuff?

Olivia:
[19:30] Yeah, so the … Well, the very first thing I did was I found a yoga studio. I really like yoga, and I think finding the things that you enjoy and just doing that first is really good. And then in terms of making friends, I know there's like Facebook groups and a bit like Meetups. I think you were talking about this on the last episode, but there are like au pair Berlin groups. And the idea is obviously other au pairs can talk and meet and all of that.

Manuel
[20:01] Gossip about their family!

Olivia:
[20:03] There's a lot of that.

Jae:
[20:04] "Can you believe they did this?"

Olivia:
[20:06] "I have to work on the weekend! You get the weekends off?" Yeah! Yes, and well, for me personally, since I've been here I've joined the Berlin vegan activists kind of circle.

Jae:
[20:19] Oh, you're a vegan! Nice.

Olivia:
[20:20] Yeah. And we got in touch through that and I've made quite a few friends through that. I think, though, what I would say is you have to be proactive because ...

Manuel
[20:31] This goes for anyone, not just au pairs.

Jae:
[20:34] Yeah. yeah.

Olivia:
[20:35] You have to. Friends do not just fall onto your lap, especially not in this country.

Jae:
[20:39] No, no, they do not!

Olivia:
[20:40] Sorry!

Jae:
[20:42] We've talked about it a lot!

Olivia:
[20:43] I know, yeah!

Manuel
[20:47] Quick side question, what's the kind of gender balance? 'Cause I imagine there's many more female au pairs than male?

Olivia:
[20:57] I think so, yeah. It's been traditionally ... Traditionally, it was more of a female thing, but now it's open to anyone. So, yeah, if you're a man and you want to be an au pair, do not feel like you should be limited.

Manuel
[21:10] And you're probably at an advantage because I would imagine many, many families actually want like, maybe, male role models or whatever. Because I feel like at least from what I hear in like Kitas and kindergartens and stuff, like everybody's looking for male employees because there's too few. Do you know what I mean?

Olivia:
[21:29] Yeah.

Manuel
[21:30] Why are you looking at me like that?

Jae:
[21:31] No, I was thinking of a joke in my head.

Olivia:
[21:33] Care to share?

Jae:
[21:35] I was like: All the kids are becoming gay, so they need to have men and women in their lives!

Manuel
[21:43] I don't know, I don't understand the joke.

Olivia:
[21:46] But I can see if you're a single mom ...

Manuel
[21:49] Exactly. That's what I'm pointing at.

Olivia:
[21:50] A strong male role. Absolutely.

Manuel
[21:52] Yeah.

Olivia:
[21:53] It's funny. My boyfriend back at home when I was telling him,"Yeah, I've got an apartment and I've got €280 a month and I'm in Berlin," and he was like, "Why didn't I think about this? This sounds amazing!"

Manuel
[22:06] Yeah. That's true, though. They're like ... I'm sure that a lot of people just don't ... it just doesn't cross their mind, you know?

Jae:
[22:12] Yeah. I've never thought about ... Like this is something I would ... Like I love kids and I love doing everything ... Like if I had known this was a concept, I would definitely have looked out for it and stuff.

Olivia:
[22:23] I think if you are young, you don't have any commitments, you want to learn a new language, you don't mind spending time with kids, it's the perfect thing. And also it's not ... it doesn't cost anything for you, which is important for a lot of people as well.

Manuel
[22:37] Right. An exchange ... like a regular exchange student program that you do while you're studying at school, usually costs a lot of money. Even kind of the nonprofit organizations, like I did it with AFS, which is nonprofit, still super expensive. Whereas this ... And part of the reason was that the health insurance and stuff was so expensive. And this, it's just covered for. But back to making friends, so how ... 'cause I haven't heard this tip. It does make sense to me, but I want to hear in more like concrete terms. How do you make friends through being an activist? Like how does that start?

Olivia:
[23:13] Yeah. So with what I've done in Berlin, the group is called Animal Rights Squares. Little plug there, anyone wanting to ...

Manuel
[23:22] We'll put it in the show notes. Animal Rights Squares.

Olivia:
[23:24] Animal Rights Squares, Berlin. And it's very easy. They all have like either Instagram pages or Facebook groups and you just get in touch. You just say: Hi, can I come to an event? And the great thing about activism is that we always need more activists. Everybody's welcome, no matter whether you can give every week ... So the group that I'm with, they do two - you might have seen these before - Cube of Truths. They're like squares with screens and you like talk to people in the pub who are passing by. And yeah, so whether you can go one time a week, twice a week, never, or you know, no matter how ...

Manuel
[24:00] You're even welcome if you never come!

Olivia:
[24:02] No! Cut that bit out! Yeah, so whatever you can give to it. And you just make friends by just, again, similar interests, you know, and there's always like a social afterwards. So we either go to this falafel place, which is amazing. Or we go on ...

Manuel
[24:20] Care to share?

Olivia:
[24:22] It's called, Oh, I want to say like, Kiez Falafel?

Manuel
[24:27] Where is it?

Olivia:
[24:28] Right next to ...

Manuel
[24:31] She'a pointing out the window!

Olivia:
[24:32] Rosa Luxemburg ...

Manuel
[24:34] Oh, okay. I know which one. Yeah, I often go there.

Olivia:
[24:37] It's really nice. It's only €4, which is so cheap for just a falafel classic, they call it.

Manuel
[24:43] If you only knew how times have changed. I used to be in Berlin when there was €1 falafel!

Jae:
[24:47] "Back in my day!"

Olivia:
[24:49] Well, when you're from London, where it's like £8! Oh, that's like ... Okay. Bit of a side note, but I'll do it anyway. Swimming here is so cheap. €3.50 for a swim. Do you know how much I pay back in the UK for like a one swim? £8.

Manuel
[25:07] Really? How much is that in euros?

Jae:
[25:10] That's like €10.

Olivia:
[25:11] €10. Ridiculous!

Manuel
[25:12] The public pools. And they're raising the temperatures again, as well.

Olivia:
[25:16] I didn't even notice but yeah, that's not been ...

Manuel
[25:18] They lowered temperatures because of the gas crisis but now it's back to like 26 degrees or something.

Olivia:
[25:24] Very responsible country, Germany, isn't it? Like they actually make changes and stick to it. I like that!

Manuel
[25:29] Sometimes!

Cultural Differences: Germany vs. UK

Olivia:
[25:49] Yeah, it's been, there's been lots of cultural differences, more than I expected there to be. What I would say about the German kids versus British kids, I would say that the stereotype, of ... well, I don't know if this is a stereotype, but I think German children, the ones that I've met at least, and obviously I'm generalizing here, are really ... they like following rules. Like they're not ... they're really well-behaved kids. Much more than like the scallies in the UK. Like I'm sure you all have seen them in Manchester.

Jae:
[26:24] Yeah.

Olivia:
[26:26] Yeah. They like following rules. Oh, I'll tell you the story. So I was here in Berlin with my first host family. We'd gone on like a day trip, and me and the youngest child had come here first on the train. And we were just alone and I was like ... we were around Alexanderplatz, I was like, "Let's have some fun. I'm going to rent one of these Lime scooters" You're going to hate me for this! "But you get on the front. We'll have a blast. We'll scoot around Alexanderplatz and then we'll get vegan doughnuts." And he goes, "No. Two reasons. Firstly you have to wear a helmet when you're on the scooter, and secondly two people are not allowed on the scooter at once. That is against the rules." And I was flabbergasted. I had never ever ... I was like: Why? We were gonna have a great time!

Jae:
[27:16] With the kid like: Yeah, let's do this!

Olivia:
[27:17] Yeah: Why not just do it? Sounds great! Yeah we did get the donuts though. So it was Brammibals vegan donuts. Have you been there?

Jae:
[27:26] Yes.

Manuel
[27:28] Oh my God, of course. Many times. Always a queue outside, somehow.

Jae:
[27:33] So you've found it quite easy, I think, to simulate and to connect with them, especially since they follow the rules or whatnot. Have you had any obstacles though when it comes to the whole like watching the child and then trying to relate to them on some sort of level?

Olivia:
[27:49] Yeah, so I would say with my last family, the one in Leipzig, the kids were ... I think what's made this experience of Berlin much better has been that the child that I'm with, wants to do ... we have quite shared interests, and that's made such a difference. And yeah, she ...

Manuel
[28:15] How old is the child?

Olivia:
[28:16] She is nine. Eight, nine.

Manuel
[28:17] Okay. So, because it's a good age where you can actually do stuff, right? I bet if the child's like two, it's going to be a bit hard to find shared interests.

Olivia:
[28:28] Yeah. I met a fellow au pair from ... I think she was from Columbia, and she was looking after, I think, a two-year-old. And from what I ... And she couldn't speak hardly any German. It was proper A1, like beginner. And I think she really actually struggled to create a bond with the child because they just couldn't communicate at all. And she was so young. I mean, a two-year-old's a completely different ballpark. Shout out to any au pairs who are listening right now that are looking after a child under at the age of five, because that's hard.

Jae:
[29:00] Yes.

Manuel
[29:01] Okay, but so back to the cultural differences.

Olivia:
[29:03] Yes, I've actually written a list.

Manuel
[29:06] You have a whole list! Beautiful.

Olivia:
[29:07] Okay, let's start with the one that never fails to amaze me is the cash culture here.

Jae:
[29:13] Money, money, money, money, money.

Olivia:
[29:15] How you cannot survive in this city without carrying just a bit of cash. It just is crazy.

Jae:
[29:21] It doesn't work. We were just at lunch, and a colleague of ours had to borrow money from the other colleague because they didn't take credit card at this place. And we were just like: Yep, this is just another complication.

Manuel
[29:33] But now ... It used to be simple. It used to be like if you have cash you're good. But now you have the many places that only accept cash, or only ... like sometimes only accept cash. But they don't ...

Jae:
[29:44] That's how the Vietnamese restaurants are. Some days they want to accept card, and other times ...

Manuel
[29:50] But then now you have the hip new places, the hip new coffee shops that only accept card. So either way ...

Olivia:
[29:57] Yeah, you need both. You do need both to survive. And actually, compared to other cities ... like I was thinking this morning, I cannot physically remember the last time I saw a British £50 note, because you just do not need to carry cash in the same way.

Jae:
[30:12] Same in America, yeah.

Olivia:
[30:13] And actually, I don't think it's a good thing. I think I feel more vulnerable when I'm carrying cash because it's like this something that someone could take, first of all. Obviously, people can steal cards, but then you can cancel them. And also the whole thing with the EC cards, Girocards ... what do you call them?

Manuel
[30:32] It depends. I just read an article about this. The official name is Girokarte, but everybody still calls it EC-Karte because that's what it used to be called. But that whole system is being phased out. It's very complicated, but yeah, basically, the credit cards haven't traditionally been a thing in Germany, and now they are more of a thing. More people have them because you need them online and also because of Apple Pay and stuff like that. But many merchants, many restaurants and stuff don't want to accept them because the fees are much higher. And the EC-Karte, I guess it's a debit card. Like it's not a credit card, it's not run by Visa or Mastercard, it's just run by regular banks but outside of the credit card system, and the fees for merchants are much, much, much lower. And so some places will accept cash and card, but only Girokarte and not credit card, because it's cheaper to them. But in Berlin, I feel like that's very rare these days.

Olivia:
[31:36] I was at the queue yesterday at just the post office. What do you call it? Post? Post? Die Post? Genau. And I got to the front and I was ... Oh, this was crazy! So my ... I'll give you context. Basically, I forgot my AirPods when I came from home and my mom posted them to me and she just, it was a tiny like envelope, and I thought: Customs, be cheap. €40 I had to pay!

Manuel
[32:04] Oh my God! You could have just gotten a new pair.

Olivia:
[32:06] I know. And I got to the front of the queue and I ... and it ... They took a month to arrive.

Manuel
[32:10] That's what you get for leaving the EU!

Olivia:
[32:12] I know, yeah!

Manuel
[32:14] Brexit tax!

Olivia:
[32:15] And I was like 13 when they voted for Brexit, and I'm here suffering the consequences.

Jae:
[32:20] Like, "Thank you guys!"

Olivia:
[32:22] Yeah, "Thanks!" No, I put something on my Instagram.

Manuel
[32:23] "Thanks, Mom!"

Olivia:
[32:25] No. My parents, they'll be watching this, they were remaining.

Manuel
[32:28] Or listening!

Olivia:
[32:29] Yeah, they wanted to be ... Listening, sorry, I keep saying, "watch"! But yeah, they did not vote to leave the EU. And yeah, so anyway, got to the front of the queue, it'd been a month. I had to pay €40. I was not in the best mood, as you would imagine. And I got to the front and I pulled out my Visa card to pay. Nope. They only accept EC cards.

Manuel
[32:55] I know. And the crazy thing is that Die Post is even a bank. Like how can a bank ... ? No, seriously, they're a bank, like they also run a bank, Postbank. And some people have their account there and they go there to withdraw. How can a bank not accept credit cards? It is mind-boggling. It's crazy.

Olivia:
[33:14] Yeah. So I had to get cash out.

Jae:
[33:16] And then give back a few ...

Manuel
[33:17] And then come back and pay your €40.

Olivia:
[33:18] And then I said to her ... I had a bit of a Karen moment, I'm going to be honest! I said, "This has been the worst experience I've ever had. How can I complain?"

Manuel
[33:30] " ... In life, in my 19 years of life!"

Olivia:
[33:33] She goes, "What do you want to complain about?" And I said, "Everything." Yeah.

Manuel
[33:40] Okay.

Olivia:
[33:42] And then I left. And I now have my AirPods. A month later and €40 down the drain, they're back.

Jae:
[33:48] And you have cash now, because you remember ... Yeah, it's welcome to my world of many complications and irritations with the way that life works here.

Manuel
[33:59] Okay, what else? I mean, cash, okay, the soft problem, you just put this cash in your pocket, you're fine.

Olivia:
[34:05] Something I love about Berlin is the cycle culture here. It's just not the same from where I grew up. People just use their bike in the way that ... Where I grew up, people would just go in their car, and I love that there's great cycle routes and you can get anywhere by bike. Okay, you're shaking your head, but compared to like the UK, it's a different league.

Manuel
[34:28] I would agree that the cycle culture is here. People cycle, and they go to work using their bikes and other places. The infrastructure is a disaster. But it's still better than a lot of other places.

Olivia:
[34:40] At least there is infrastructure.

Jae:
[34:41] Yes, yeah.

Manuel
[34:42] Not a month goes by where I don't read that a cyclist has been killed because ... And often it's even phrased in like, "because they hit a truck" or something. Like, no, the cyclist didn't hit the truck. The truck overran the cyclist. It's ... Yeah, there's a lot of work to do.

Jae:
[35:01] Do you have a bike, or are you renting a bike?

Olivia:
[35:03] I use just a bike from my host family. It actually has a seat on it so I can take my au pair child.

Manuel
[35:10] Does the child wear a helmet?

Olivia:
[35:11] Of course.

Manuel
[35:12] Do you wear a helmet?

Olivia:
[35:13] Of course. Always, always, always. I never ever leave the house without a helmet if I'm going on a bike.

Manuel
[35:17] Even if you're not cycling?

Olivia:
[35:19] Well, no! If I'm walking, then ...

Jae:
[35:23] ... Definitely leave the house without a helmet! I know!

Olivia:
[35:25] That's really important though because also when we're going rollerblading, I always ... when she forgets her helmet, I've given her mine because it's so important.

Manuel
[35:34] You'd rather die than her!

Olivia:
[35:36] Well, that's just the kind of selfless person that I am!

Manuel
[35:38] Right. Okay: Smoking in Bars and Clubs. You wrote ...

Olivia:
[35:43] Oh, I hate this.

Manuel
[35:44] I hate it too.

Olivia:
[35:45] It's so antisocial. It was a real shock because the very first time I ever went to a bar in this city, in Berlin, I couldn't stay for longer than an hour because by an hour, I couldn't breathe. I was literally suffocating. And then my clothes stunk.

Jae:
[36:01] Your clothes always smell like cigarettes whenever you get home.

Olivia:
[36:05] And then I was in Tresor, the club.

Jae:
[36:09] Yes, yes. I've been there once.

Manuel
[36:12] I haven't, I've never been there, but I've heard that it's not one of the clubs that you go to.

Jae:
[36:17] No.

Olivia:
[36:18] Yeah, so I was there once. And again, so many people smoking, even though there was even like a No Smoking sign, which I don't know ...

Jae:
[36:25] I know exactly where you're talking about.

Manuel
[36:28] So much about us loving rules and following them!

Olivia:
[36:31] Except when they're in the club, then all the rules are out the window! And I was dancing, just doing my thing, and I actually stepped backwards and I burnt my shoulder on someone's cigarette butt. And it was at that point that I was like: Yeah, this is not for me. It's weird, the way I describe it to my family is it's almost like stepping back in time sometimes, like you're in the 1980s and everybody smoking around you and you can't breathe. I just don't like it at all.

Manuel
[37:01] I recently saw a thing from RBB, from the Berlin television, where it was like an old news report when they first made it illegal to smoke on the BVG buses, and there were all these people complaining like, "Oh, it was already bad that we had to go upstairs to smoke, but now they won't let us smoke at all in the bus! It's a free country!" So yeah, it's true. It's ... yeah, things, I don't know, the smoking culture, it has changed a lot, but it's still in Berlin. And as I've been ... like, people have pointed out to me that it's not just Berlin. I was under the impression that most of Germany you can't smoke in bars anymore, but apparently there's many ... like there's some rule that says that the normal case is that you shouldn't be allowed to smoke, but somehow I think cities and or states within Germany can make their own rules, and so apparently there's like lots of places in Germany where you can still smoke in bars.

Jae:
[38:02] Interesting.

Olivia:
[38:03] Yeah. Not a thing in the UK at all. It's been completely phased out.

Jae:
[38:07] Same in America. Like, vapes are a thing, but like actual smoking is very frowned upon and very like looked at like ill.

Olivia:
[38:17] It's really antisocial as well. If you're not a smoker and it can ... okay, I won't say "ruin your night," but it can seriously cut your night in short.

Jae:
[38:26] Yes, especially the people that you decide to interact with or whatnot, too. Especially like you don't want to talk to somebody who's just smoking and they're just blowing it all in your face, like it's very hard to inhale that. You know, secondhand smoking is like a thing, and sometimes it's more dangerous than actual smoking.

Manuel
[38:46] Yeah.

Jae:
[38:48] You have, "No Apartment Numbers," on this list.

Olivia:
[38:50] Yeah, this is ...

Jae:
[38:51] That is a big thing for me too. I don't get it.

Olivia:
[38:54] Why hasn't the simple idea of putting a number on apartments hit this country yet? I do not understand. It's all done with surnames.

Manuel
[39:02] Yeah. What do you need a number for?

Olivia:
[39:04] Because let's say you're a friend who's staying at someone's house, or an au pair who's staying at your host family's house, and somebody wants to send you something and your surname doesn't match up to the surname of the host family, the post people don't have a clue what to do.

Jae:
[39:20] It is very confusing.

Manuel
[39:21] Good point, I'll grant you this.

Jae:
[39:23] It is very confusing, very frustrating. Another thing that I don't like is like ... so I would personally prefer if packages were left in front of my door and not there, but sometimes they're not. So like your packages are either given to a neighbor or they're taken back to the post. And that is so frustrating for me because it's like I can never get my packages on time or like I'm used ... and maybe it's a trust system but I'm used to like if I'm at home just leave the package in front of my ...

Manuel
[39:51] May I suggest you sign up for Packstation? DHL Packstation.

Jae:
[39:55] With DHL. Yes, yes I've tried. I don't ... I don't understand it!

Manuel
[39:59] It's very simple. You make an account.

Jae:
[40:02] I have an account. Like they sent me the paper to confirm.

Manuel
[40:06] Okay. And so then once you have the account, you have a number. And so then whenever you get sent something, whether it's your parents sending you AirPods, although I don't know internationally how it works with customs, but if you order something on the internet or someone's sending you something, they just put your name and then the number, the post number that you get. And they can put that either right next to, like after your name, or in the Address Line 1 or 2, it doesn't really matter, as long as it appears anywhere on the address. And then as Street, you write, Packstation. Instead of the street name, you just write, Packstation, then the number of the Packstation and then the actual zip code of where the Packstation is. And there's like a list on the website, like you can just check: What's my nearest Packstation? You just put that Packstation, but you can be the different one next time, like sometimes I order through this Packstation. And then you just get a push notification and you just get a QR code, and you pick up the thing. And that way I always do it with everything because even ... like I don't like people ringing my doorbell and me having to answer the door!

[General hilarity]

Manuel
[41:07] You know, it's just better when I'm taking a walk to go to the Packstation to go and pick up my stuff then.

Olivia:
[41:18] But if you're not in the house, it's great because obviously you can just have it delivered and then go and get it.

Jae:
[41:24] Which is why I get my Amazon packages ... there's an Amazon locker and I typically just send all my stuff there.

Manuel
[41:32] Yeah. But the Packstation is that, but it works with everything, not just Amazon.

Olivia:
[41:36] Are you from the Packstation marketing board?!

Manuel
[41:39] I should be, they should be paying me for this!

Olivia:
[41:41] They should, yeah!

Jae:
[41:42] It'll be in the footnotes of this podcast!

Manuel
[41:45] Okay, what else?

Olivia:
[41:47] A pro is that Berlin is amazing. There's so much to do. And there is so much history here. I love that. And having people come to visit, there's always a museum we could go to or a memorial or something to visit. And especially since Arthur, my boyfriend, studies history, he loves coming here because there's always something that he could do. And that's amazing. I love that about the city.

Jae:
[42:13] Have you guys taken advantage of the free museum days on the first Sunday of the month?

Olivia:
[42:18] No, we haven't, but we should. That's a really good idea.

Jae:
[42:20] You should. You should. Yeah.

Manuel
[42:22] It's like the number one thing that I beat myself up about is that Berlin has so much to offer. Because I was on the website recently for the ... because the first Sunday of the month, as you mentioned, is a lot of museums are free, and I looked through the list of all the museums, and there are so many great museums. And then I was like: Oh, I do want to! Because I'm not a big museum person, but there were at least like ten museums on there where I was like: I legitimately want to go see this place! But when you really live here without an expiration date, you kind of go ...

Jae:
[42:56] "I'll go next month!" Is ... really ... And have you lost the tourist mindset of Berlin yet or do you feel you're still in tourist mode?

Olivia:
[43:09] I'm in the happy mode where I actually know my way around, which is great, but I'm still exploring everything for the first time, so ... the good bit. Because it took me a bit of a while to understand like how to get to the nearest U-Bahn station, what roads link up with what roads. But the best feeling is exploring by bike and then realizing ...

Manuel
[43:30] That's what I say.

Olivia:
[43:31] Yeah, I know! And I don't know if this happens to you, but sometimes I'll be on my bike, I'll just go for a cycle, and I'll go on a road and pop out, and I'll be like: Oh my God, I know where I am! And then it links up.

Jae:
[43:47] Puzzle pieces just all connect. You're like: Wow!

Olivia:
[43:49] I love that.

Manuel
[43:50] It's like in those computer games where it was dark and then you go there and then the ... like the map ...

Olivia:
[43:54] Yeah.

Jae:
[43:56] That's how I am sometimes. I had gotten dinner at this very fancy restaurant a few weeks ago and I walked out and I was like: Wait a minute, I work right over there! I'm like: Oh my gosh! I didn't know where we were because I'd just got into the Uber and just went. I'm like: Oh my gosh, I know exactly where we are! I'm like: Wow, it all makes sense!

Manuel
[44:15] Jae's lifestyle: just getting into Ubers, driving to fancy restaurants!

Jae:
[44:22] Exactly! But yeah, Berlin is really big and it does have this like ... sometimes it does feel like a jungle that you can just keep exploring and keep exploring and find new things. And one of the things about Berlin is people stay in their little neighborhoods. So there's so much of this city that I have not seen yet, obviously, because it was in the wintertime, and no one explores in the wintertime. So when the spring - knock on wood! - when May comes, and the weather gets a little bit better, my goal is to explore other places. Because I never go to places like Wedding or Moabit or anything like that because it's so far. But once you actually remember that you still have this freedom to explore, it makes everything a lot more fun again and you're reminded why Berlin's really cool.

Olivia:
[45:11] And also, when the sun comes out, the city's different.

Manuel
[45:15] Yes.

Olivia:
[45:16] On the bank holiday we just had, there was a bit of sun. I mean, it wasn't even that warm, but I was just around and people were out and they were together with friends and sunbathing with their bikes, and I was like: This is the Berlin that I wanted to see!

Jae:
[45:30] It's a different city, and you are reminded why you live here.

Olivia:
[45:34] Yeah. Like especially in the wintertime, you're like: Why the fuck did I move here?

Jae:
[45:38] And then when those days come, you start to like realize: Oh, shit, this is a really nice city! Now, does London have that same vibe during the spring and summertime?

Olivia:
[45:49] Yeah. I'd say, to an extent. But I think what makes the Berlin summers great is that you have the juxtaposition between the, I don't know, the moods, I guess.

Jae:
[46:02] For sure. Yeah. That's very true.

Manuel
[46:04] Everybody steps out of their seasonal depression!

Olivia:
[46:09] Yeah. In a really nice way.

Jae:
[46:10] They take off their black hat and they put on a yellow one or something!

Olivia:
[46:15] Some sunglasses, yeah!

Manuel
[46:17] "Okay everyone, we have three months!"

Olivia:
[46:18] "Let's make the most of it!"

Jae:
[46:21] "We can smile again!" That is very true. Culturally, things start to shift and stuff.

Manuel
[46:28] Gym memberships: "Absolute shambles." Nice Britishism! Do you know what "shambles" means?

Jae:
[46:34] Yes, just complete like a mess.

Olivia:
[46:38] I was speechless!

Manuel
[46:40] We have a whole episode about it. Do you ... ? Yeah, he signed up for the most expensive one.

Olivia:
[46:44] You know, I remember, the one with the crazy decoration.

Manuel
[46:46] The platinum one.

Olivia:
[46:47] Yeah, and the mirrors on the walls and stuff.

Jae:
[46:48] Yes, that's John Reed.

Olivia:
[46:50] Well, okay, this is why for me this was crazy. So in the UK, we have this thing called Pure Gym. And it's like, I don't know if it's hit ... I don't think it's hit anywhere else, or maybe the American ... I don't know. But the idea is that nobody like staffs the gym, you go through these like pods to get in. So you just put your code in - everybody has a code - you stand in this pod and then it lets you in.

Manuel
[47:11] Sounds very Black Mirror-ish!

Jae:
[47:13] Yeah.

Olivia:
[47:14] Yeah, but it's Light Mirror, it's really nice. It's amazing because ... And also you can buy a really cheap membership. It's like ... I pay £15 a month, which is like, I don't know, €17, €18. And you don't get any of the fancy crap.

Manuel
[47:28] But we have that. We have McFit. Which cracked you up when I first told you about it.

Olivia:
[47:32] But this is the difference.

Manuel
[47:33] It's also a 16- or 17-month contract.

Olivia:
[47:34] This is the difference, right? They only do ... and I've been looking, they only do 12 and 24 month contracts. There is literally no place, I looked forever, that just does a short monthly contract. And this is the thing. If you are a student or someone on an exchange year or an au pair who's only here for a number of months and you can't commit to 12 or 24 months ...

Manuel
[47:57] What about Urban Sports?

Olivia:
[47:58] I looked at that. Yeah.

Jae:
[47:59] John Reed. I have John Reed and Urban Sports now.

Manuel
[48:02] Both?

Jae:
[48:03] Yes. YNAB helps me budget! John Reed actually, they do have a monthly ... it's just when you do monthly, you pay a lot more.

Olivia:
[48:15] Exactly.

Jae:
[48:16] And then that's always the trade-off. And that's very unfortunate sometimes.

Olivia:
[48:19] Yeah. So it's that thing, isn't it? You want just a monthly membership, you can cancel any time, that's not going to cost you as a student so much money. And I looked, trust me, I looked. I went to Fitness First. I went to speak to the guy and he said ... And I don't know if Fitness First is the more premium one or something, but I went there and I said, "Okay, here's my situation. What can you offer me? Can you offer me just something for like an au pair that's only here until the summer?" And he was like, "Yeah, you can get this 24-month contract and then you can cancel it and you have to pay the €99 cancellation fee." I was like, "What ... ?"

Jae:
[48:57] This is the loophole, right? If you're able to, you make a new bank account, you set this bank account ...

Manuel
[49:03] Don't do that!

Jae:
[49:04] You set this bank account specifically for the gym, and you put your money in there, and then once your time is up, you don't put any more in there, they have no way to take out ... ! And you're good to go!

Manuel
[49:14] And if you ever come back to Germany, you go straight to jail, you have €5,000 of debt that you never paid!

Olivia:
[49:21] Yeah.

Jae:
[49:22] That is ... Look, if you try that, guys, don't come for me, but it's just an option out there!

Olivia:
[49:30] No, I looked at Urban Sports Club, but even then I think it's like ...

Manuel
[49:33] So Urban Sports Club, we should explain, is an app where you pay a monthly fee and then like all the different gyms and sports clubs and yoga studios and swimming pools that participate, you get to use all ... It's like a flat rate for all the different things.

Jae:
[49:48] Yeah. Which is a cool idea, but also very expensive.

Manuel
[49:50] Very expensive.

Olivia:
[49:51] So the one I looked at, I think was you got five participations a month or something and it was like €60.

Jae:
[49:58] You get eight for €60. Yeah.

Olivia:
[49:59] Okay, eight for €60. And yeah, it just was too expensive, honestly. And also, I just want to go to the gym twice a week. I mean, I just want that. I was just like, "Can someone please help me?" Yeah.

Manuel
[50:14] Did you ever figure out a solution?

Olivia:
[50:16] I haven't, honestly. But I go swimming because that's so cheap, and I go swimming twice a week, and ...

Manuel
[50:21] It's the best anyway. Why would you go to a gym? It doesn't make any sense. It's like ...

Olivia:
[50:25] Well, I do have physiotherapy that I have to do on my knee, which makes a difference if you're in a gym because you get to use the machines. But yeah, I go to my yoga class, which is once a week, and swimming twice a week. And at the moment, that's fine. I'm not ready to drop €60 a month from there.

Jae:
[50:42] No, don't do it. I would not advise that, especially if you're not being here for a long time.

Olivia:
[50:45] But this is the thing. And anybody who's listening who is interested in an entrepreneurial opportunity in Berlin, a short-term gym business ...

Manuel
[50:58] Except you don't make any money that way.

Olivia:
[51:00] Well how does Pure Gym in the UK make its money then? Because they have gyms ...

Manuel
[51:06] By not having employees, just pods.

Olivia:
[51:08] Yes, but it works! And it's amazing because you don't need employees. And this is the thing also about what I found with the gyms. They're always trying to sell you this upgrade, upgrade, upgrade, upgrade. And I don't need the upgrades. I don't want a personalized physiotherapy room, and a hydro, sauna, doodah! I just want a normal gym.

Jae:
[51:27] "I just want a machine, like ... !"

Manuel
[51:28 I think you want to check out McFit. I think that's what you want.

Olivia:
[51:32] Okay. I will have a look.

Jae:
[51:34] Yeah, check out McFit if they have like a monthly ...

Manuel
[51:36] But also be prepared, also depending on where you work ... you know, it's really not the nicest place.

Olivia:
[51:45] But do you see what I mean then? There is room for this in Berlin. There is room for gyms to be revolutionized.

Jae:
[51:51] There is, there is. Maybe that's an opportunity for you. You come back on our next episode: "Entrepreneurship in Berlin," yeah!

Manuel
[52:02] All right. And then the final point on your ... We're still talking about cultural differences, by the way. Your final point on your list is: Types of People.

Olivia:
[52:11] Yeah, that's just yeah, well ... Without wanting to offend many people ...

Jae:
[52:18] I've done a lot of that on this podcast!

Olivia:
[52:22] I think the ... What do I think about Berliners?

Jae:
[52:30] I'm curious to know!

Olivia:
[52:31] They're an interesting bunch!

Jae:
[52:34] Politely said!

Olivia:
[52:36] They're not the happiest people I've ever met.

Jae:
[52:38] No.

Olivia:
[52:39] And actually that's ...

Manuel
[52:42] How do you know? You've only been here for a month. How can you know if people are happy?

Olivia:
[52:45] Trust me, you know with the facial expressions, and the experience you have.

Manuel
[52:51] Intercultural competence is all about accepting the differences.

Olivia:
[52:53] Absolutely.

Manuel
[52:54] Not judging them.

Jae:
[52:56] When you travel to a place and you've traveled, you can pick up on a type of culture by the first impression. Because first impressions are a thing. And most times what you see is what you get.

Manuel
[53:09] I don't know if people are happy or not, just by the way they ...

Olivia:
[53:12] Okay, maybe "happy" is the wrong word. I don't know, maybe ...

Jae:
[53:14] "Friendly."

Olivia:
[53:15] "Friendly" is better. But listen, I am all for accepting cultural differences and that's fine. However, however, sometimes a smile goes a really long way and it really makes you feel welcome in a place.

Jae:
[53:30] It does. I visited Helsinki like three, four weeks ago and I didn't realize how terrified I am, like seriously, to live in Berlin ... To where like I go into a place there, they're smiling at me, I'm shaking because I'm so used to people yelling at me here. And I'm like, just them smiling at me and saying hello, changed my entire mood.

Olivia:
[53:53] Yeah, I think also being from the States, and like ... Something that is really different here is customer service.

Jae:
[54:00] Yes.

Olivia:
[54:01] That's totally different. So walking into like a café or a restaurant, often I'm getting the feeling that they don't want me there.

Jae:
[54:10] Yes. I'm like: Hey guys, I'm ... first of all, sorry for entering, sorry for interrupting!

Olivia:
[54:13] "Sorry for coming to your place of business where you want my money!"

Jae:
[54:16] Yeah.

Olivia:
[54:18] "Excuse me!"

Manuel
[54:19] Yeah, it's true. I mean, I one hundred percent agree. We talked about this on Easy German so many times, it's ... And we don't really realize that it is that way until we leave. You know, like when Cari and Janusz and I went to the US, that's all we talked about, how amazed we were how people were just genuinely nice and friendly and like "happy," for lack of a better word!

Olivia:
[54:44] Yeah, and I don't think it's that people are unhappy here. I think also people don't show it on their faces. People are more ...

Manuel
[54:49] Right.

Jae:
[54:50] People here are more reserved. That's the ...

Olivia:
[54:52] Yeah. Closed, I guess.

Jae:
[54:54] That's the thing. It's not my thing, but it's the thing. And that's, I think, still the biggest cultural shock for me because I'm very American, so we're very much this ... like even if it's fake, it's still like first impressions is always, "Hello," be polite. And you don't have that here. And I am a sensitive person, so I take everything personal too. So I'm like: Why do they hate me? I just said hello. I just asked if you guys were open.

Olivia:
[55:21] Yeah. And where I come from, Bristol, is a really ... it's known to be a really friendly city. Like you can be walking up the hill to the shops and it's very normal to just to have a conversation with someone at the bus stop or in the shop when you're getting something. And I miss that, if I'm being honest. I do miss that. Yeah.

Jae:
[55:39] I do miss talking to strangers and making connections and stuff like that. Like it's something like I kind of feel ... like ... And I catch myself. Like I call resting bitch face a lot because I see everyone else having resting bitch face. So I'm like: Oh, I have to do the same thing. And I don't like having resting bitch face, you know? I like being happy. So it's really weird trying to pick and choose the parts about Berlin that you want to adopt, and then also settle and push away the parts that you don't want to take in and stuff. It can be very, very tricky. It comes with a lot of like ... yeah.

Olivia:
[56:19] Like anything, there's the pros and cons there. And again, these are all cultural differences. Do they make or break a place? Probably not.

Jae:
[56:28] We're still here, you know?

Manuel
[56:30] And it's changing too. And you know, people like us that wanted to change can just, like you said, remember to smile, to look like you want to look, or give the impression when you enter a place that you want to give. And then ... Because the other thing is that, yes, that's kind of the default. that people are a little bit reserved, grumpy, whatever, but then if you kill them with kindness and you approach them with a big smile, many people then change completely.

Jae:
[56:58] Yes, I will say, the security guard at Aldi by my flat ... I've lived there for like six, seven months and honestly, at this point now, he's pretty nice to me. Like it went from: "Mm." "Mm." "Hello." "Hi." "Tschuss" and then he says like something else. And then I came in the store like by closing, he was like,"Three minutes!" I'm like: Okay!

Olivia:
[57:21] That's an improvement though! Yeah.

Jae:
[57:24] I'm like: Okay, I've crossed the line! We've ... we've made it!

Olivia:
[57:28] And I think that's the time as well, isn't it? And I've heard this on the Easy German podcast that sometimes it can just take longer to build up the relationships, rather than maybe in America or the UK you can fairly quickly get off with ... not get off, but ... you know, like be friends with someone and develop a friendship. Yeah.

Jae:
[57:48] I'll be honest too. I mean, like most of those first impressions that you get in America or even the UK aren't quite fake too. Like you might get ...

Manuel
[57:56] That's the argument that people in Germany will always give. Like, it's just all fake and we're just honest. But then when you get there, you realize, no, it's not all fake. People are just friendly. It's just friendly.

Jae:
[58:08] No, I mean, we're not generally gonna be like ... Sometimes if someone says they're gonna hang out with you, that's fake, they're not gonna hang out with you. But we generally do like to be polite and put our best foot forward first and foremost. I just wish a lot of people did that here more, but I accept things as they are. I'm not going to leave.

Top Tips To Make an Au Pair Stay Great

Olivia:
[58:37] Yeah. So the first thing that I would tell to any prospective au pairs is to, I've written here: Understand your non-negotiables beforehand.

Manuel
[58:46] Boundaries.

Olivia:
[58:47] Your boundaries, exactly, what you really want to get out of your au pair stay. So if you had to boil it down to one thing, do you want to become fluent in the language? Do you want to live in a city like Berlin and experience that? And don't - almost, I would say - don't budge on that. You know, if you want to learn German and become fluent in the language, find a family that are only going to speak to you in German. And the same goes for other things. Because this is your year, this is your time, and you've got to make sure that you use it in the way that you want it to be used. Video call your family beforehand. This is an obvious point, but you don't know who's going to be online, and also you need to meet them, you need to understand how they are. And I would say minimum two if not three calls would be good, just to really get to know them.

Manuel
[59:43] I mean, I would imagine most families would want to do this anyway.

Olivia:
[59:47] Yeah, absolutely.

Manuel
[58:48] But then you're saying: Don't just have them interview you. You should interview them.

Olivia:
[59:52] Yeah, it's both sides, it goes both ways.

Jae:
[59:54] Are there any like safety parameters also for all players? Because maybe if they get themselves into a situation that they weren't expecting to or whatnot, like how can an au pair protect themselves or make sure that what they're getting into is secure and safe?

Olivia:
[1:00:09] Yeah, so I think if you went through an agency, they would maybe have some of these parameters to help you out. If you're just going to do what I did, which was through AuPairWorld, then you've got the contract, which isn't legally binding but it's still a mark of a commitment, right? And you've also got the health insurance. And if you find yourself ... if you come to your host country and you absolutely hate it, you can switch families, and that's fairly easy to do, and it's common. I mean, I did it. So yeah, don't be afraid, if it's not working out, to make a change and do something else. I would say also, yeah, find those mutual interests between you and your au pair child. That makes for life much easier, and when you're both enjoying something the time goes so much more quickly.

Jae:
[1:00:58] That's true.

Olivia:
[1:01:01] And okay, this is something that I wish maybe if I could go back I would tell myself, which is: Don't feel pressured into saying yes to an au pair family too quickly. Explore your options beforehand.

Jae:
[1:01:13] That is so true. Oh my gosh, that's so true.

Olivia:
[1:01:16] Yeah. Because if I think back now, one of my non-negotiables, one of my really important things, was to be in Berlin, but I didn't. I thought: Oh, I found this family, they've said they want me, they're a lovely family, I'll just say yes. I didn't really sit and think, is it really what I wanted? But yeah, those would be my top tips.

Jae:
[1:01:37] Yeah, I think that whole non-negotiable, or not feeling pressure, I think, is a thing. Just with our generation, just very easy just to say yes, because one, you don't want to hurt other people, but then in time you end up hurting yourself more and then always having to redo everything again, is very, very important, I think, too. Like have a little bit of respect for yourself, and if you have decisions, if you have things that are your non-negotiables, then to stick to that and respect yourself for those things.

Olivia:
[1:02:11] Yeah, absolutely. And then be open with your host family. Tell them what you want to get out of the stay, on the first video call. And this leads into my next point about just having good communication with them. One thing that I did with my first host family that really worked well, is we had a weekly meeting, just very informal, where we just sat down and spoke about what was going well, what wasn't going well, And it meant that we didn't bottle up things that we were annoyed about, and that was really important. I remember like the first one, I'd left some crumbs on the kitchen table or something really little, but because we had that space to then talk about it, I respected that that was something that my host mom wanted me to look after and make sure there wasn't any kind of residual mess on the table. And it goes both ways again. So you can say: Listen, this isn't working out for me, can we change this? You know, I really want to go to a yoga class on Friday, can I do dinner on a Thursday? or something like that. Yeah.

Manuel
[1:03:15] You're learning so much.

Olivia:
[1:03:16] Absolutely. Yeah. Learning how to be friends and yeah, get along with people.